Ian Gotts - blog: Some new words (and their definitions) for 2005

Ian Gotts - blog

Ian Gotts speaks regularly to business audiences and consequently has time to read, think and reflect on his discussions with senior business people. This blog is built on this thinking.

His latest book, Common Approach Uncommon Results, has transformed how senior executives think about creating sustainable business change in organisations. The book is available from the publishers, www.Ideas-Warehouse.com or Amazon.co.uk

Some new words (and their definitions) for 2005

Saturday, September 17, 2005

TESTICULATING
Waving your arms around and talking bollocks

BLAMESTORMING.
Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a
project failed, and who was responsible.

SEAGULL MANAGER.
A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, shits on everyone, and
then leaves.

ASSMOSIS.
The process by which people seem to absorb success and advancement by
sucking up to the boss rather than working hard.

SALMON DAY.
The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get
screwed and die.

CUBE FARM.
An office filled with cubicles.

PRAIRIE DOGGING.
When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and
people's heads pop up over the walls to see that's going on. (This
also applies to applause from a promotion because there may be cake.)

MOUSE POTATO.
The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato

SITCOMs.
Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn
into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay
home with the kids or start a "home business".

STRESS PUPPY.
A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.

PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE.
The fine art of whacking the sh1t out of an electronic device to get it
to work again.

ADMINISPHERE.
The rarefied organisational layers beginning just above the rank and
file. Decisions that fall from the "adminisphere" are often profoundly
inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to
solve.
This is often affiliated with the dreaded "administrivia" needless
paperwork and processes.

404.
Someone who's clueless. >From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not
Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located .

OHNOSECOND
That minuscule fraction of time in which you realise that you've
Just made a BIG mistake (e.g. you've hit 'reply all')

New Oxford Dictionary definitions

GOING FOR A McSHIT
Entering a fast food restaurant with no intention of buying food,
you're just going to the bog. If challenged by a pimply staff member,
your declaration to them that you'll buy their food afterwards is
known as a McShit with Lies.

BEER COAT
The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after a booze
cruise at 3am in the morning.

BEER COMPASS
The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home after booze
cruise, even though you're too drunk to remember where you live, how
you got here, and where you've come from.

JOHNNY-NO-STARS
A young man of substandard intelligence, the typical adolescent who
works in a burger restaurant.

MONKEY BATH
A bath so hot, that when lowering you rself in, you go: "Oo! Oo! Ho!
Aa!Aa!Aa!".

MYSTERY BUS
The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you're in the
toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive
people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back
in.

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